For Love or Money? Marriage to a Thai Woman

There's much said and written about Thai brides.  Sometimes it's real stories written by real people, sometimes it's the perspective of someone looking in from the outside and making erroneous assumptions and sweeping generalisations.

 

If you do a search on the net, you'll find all the horror stories of these wicked women who bleed their poor adoring boyfriends dry – so they're all bound to be a bad lot, aren't they??  Let's face it, if you've had a bad experience at the hands of someone you loved and trusted, you'd be bitter and you'd definitely want to write about it – and who'd blame you.  On the other hand, if you're just living happily in your little corner of the world minding your own business then the most likely scenario is that nobody knows anything about it.

 

Here's some statistics.  In 2007, there were 50 Thai men given leave to enter the UK as either a husband or fiancé and 1720 Thai women also given leave to enter as wife or fiancée.  Extrapolate that out over a few years and over the rest of the western world and you can imagine just how many people have married Thai nationals.  Are all of these people living in misery with their greedy, scheming spouses?  Of course they're not!  As is so often the case, there's a silent majority of very happily married people who just happened to find love abroad.

 

I decided it was about time someone from the silent majority went to print to try to even out the negative stories that are everywhere.  So here's a potted version of our story.

 

I was working in France many years ago with a British girlfriend – happily minding my own business.  For reasons that I won't bore you with, I split up with my girlfriend of the time. This left me at a loss for what to do on holiday.  I had some UK friends that I knew were visiting Thailand so a quick phone call later to check when they'd be there and I was down the local travel agent booking my tickets.  I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen – but that's another story.

 

Fast forwarding a couple of visits, in 2000, I'd been served notice of redundancy from my job in France and had by luck managed to secure another job in the UK.  Having a little extra money in my pocket (the French system makes sure redundancy is generous to say the least) I decided to take an extended holiday in Thailand.  A quick trip to Paris to get an extended visa and before I know it I'm in Thailand for 6 glorious weeks.

 

This is when I met Su.  At the time a heavy smoker, I popped into my local 7-11 every day for my two packets of Marlboro Light.  After a few days, the delightful girl behind the counter said ‘No'.  ‘What do you mean, no?' I answered, and in her endearing but limited English she simply said ‘smoke too much, soon you die'.  And there you have it, the start of a 10 year relationship.

 

Su was 12 years younger than me and most certainly a beautiful looking woman.  I'd consider myself to be no Shrek, but can imagine people might possibly find Daniel Craig marginally more attractive.  There's a definite advantage in being a westerner in Thailand and I think it's only fair to say that you can attract girls that you might otherwise think off-limits.  Well, I think Daniel Craig's got an unfair advantage with the ladies too and nobody criticises him for it!!.

 

Anyway, after spending a few weeks together, I made Su the parting promise that 6 months later I'd be back and I'd get her a visa to join me in the UK.  Incidentally, the 6 months was because I was moving countries and changing jobs so didn't feel it would be a good start to our life together for her to join me during that turmoil.  Any way, six months later I was on my way back, paperwork in hand and appointment set up at the British Embassy in Bangkok.

 

Naturally, you can imagine that when I told my friends at home of my plans there were a number of raised eyebrows.  Some of them were of course so well informed by what they'd seen on the TV that they could say with 100% certainty that I was making a mistake.  In fact, unbelievably, two ‘friends' (who I'd believed to be close) were so worried for me that they decided I was no longer worthy of being their friend – and ten years on I still don't speak to them.

 

It's now 2010 and Su and I are still together.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's been all plain sailing.  Anyone who thinks Thai women are all passive, subservient walkovers clearly doesn't know any Thai women.  I know a guy who thought he'd married a servant – he soon discovered his mistake and, after a shaky start, 5 years later they're still together and I think secretly he's glad he was wrong.  Su certainly has a very strong character and would give anyone a run for their money.  Also, it's not always easy being in a multi-cultural marriage – in some areas we've noticeably different values and plenty of compromise on both sides is required. 

 

On balance though, I don't think I could have made a better decision.  In the ten years we've been together, we've both worked very hard building a Thai business to see us into our retirement (here's hoping early retirement).  We're now the proud owners of two Villas in Pattaya that we rent to holidaymakers.  Our own little business that we've built up together as a team over the last 5 years.

 

For a long time Su had two jobs here in England – leaving the house before 7am every morning and coming home after 7pm every evening.  She also worked weekends and saved every penny she earned.  It was her money that funded our first step on the ladder – not mine.  I've never managed to save a penny – and that was something true of me long before I met Su.

 

In summary, don't think that what you read means that there aren't plenty of us living extremely happily with Thai wives.  Don't let yourselves either be too influenced by all the one size fits all stories you see in the press.  I'm sure that there's plenty of bad can be said about people of either sex and of any nationality – that doesn't mean that there's not plenty of good to say either.  Thailand is a wonderful place and the Thai people are warm, friendly and generous – why would most Thai wives be any different?  I rest my case.